I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
where am i from again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
