The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize