but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
