I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
