Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
