If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
