I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
