All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
