well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
