Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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