I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
