Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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