OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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