Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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