oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
