So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
