complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
