like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
