Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
