from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
