The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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