I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
