The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
