Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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