Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
