you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
