just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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