You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
