i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
