somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
