So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
