so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
