Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I did not marry a roomba.
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