sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
