Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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