Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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