drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
not ubering you a puppy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
