Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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