Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
