Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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