I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
