how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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