I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
