Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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