I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
