I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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