she looked like the before picture.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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