The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
