you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
