weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
