its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
