I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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