I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
