as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
