Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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