Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
