Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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