Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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