Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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