Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
