i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
