i would punch a child for taco bell
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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