there was a trapeze. enough said
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
