I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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