Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
