atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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