Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
