true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
