Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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