Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
