I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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