Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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