i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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