Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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