I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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