Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
