so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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