Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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