accomplished twins. life is a go
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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