it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
