he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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