But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
