So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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